


Moving On Together

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: A Sequel, Barson, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I hate tagging, I really am not a Cassidy fan but his storyline was pivotal to the beginning of this story, I'm also not a big Stone fan but he makes a good protagonist, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Rollisi, always HEA, into S20 as well, more tags as I go along, the rest of S19 but not exactly the way we saw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-04-11 11:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Rafael Barba has been found not guilty in the murder charges brought against him by Jack McCoy and he has resigned from his position as ADA. Now it's time for him to figure out what he's going to do with his life. Fortunately for him, Olivia Benson is right beside him to love and help him along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I knew when I was reaching the-episode-that-shall-not-be-named in Enchanted that the Barson world I'd created had to continue, but that it needed to be it's own separate work. I knew where it was going to go but needed to figure out how to get it started. Finally I re-watched Chasing Demons and then my beloved beta, theoofoof, (but she's far more than that) watched it as well and took such good notes that we added comments to that suddenly it all came to life. If you have not read Enchanted, of course I would love and recommend you do so you get some of the references, but as long as you know what happened in S19E13, you'll be good to start here. Knowing of course, that I have diverged from what we were given on screen, that Barba isn't gone and he's been there behind the scenes loving and supporting Olivia the whole time. 
> 
> Some of the scenes and dialogue will be familiar if you continued watching (although I have and will tweak things here and there to fit my needs) and I give all the credit for those to the original writers in the SVU Writers Room. Also to Dick Wolf, without whom none of all the wonderful SVU fanfiction that is out there would exist. I only hope that occasionally they peek into our fandom writers room and see what we've come up with and maybe take a few ideas from us in return.

Adjusting to being unemployed did not come easily to Rafael Barba. He’d had some kind of job since he was old enough to help his elderly neighbors with their gardening that earned him a pinch on the cheek and a couple singles pressed into his hand. The first week after he resigned from the District Attorney’s office he spent his days moving into Olivia’s apartment. A good deal of his suits had already taken up residence and since he wasn’t in need of them on a daily basis for the foreseeable future, he left what remained at his apartment and moved the rest of his casual clothes and some of his books. He took an inventory of his kitchen dishes, pans and small appliances to compare with hers. Since he hadn’t eaten a real meal at his place in weeks, there were few groceries and non perishables in the refrigerator and cabinets. What remained, he threw away. While he made multiple trips between the two apartments, Olivia’s life went on as usual.

Peter Stone had gone from Jack McCoy’s special counsel to his new ADA and inherited all of Rafael’s open SVU cases and one was set to go to trial a week after Rafael’s own ended; a pediatrician accused of molesting his male patients. Both Olivia and Brian Cassidy were scheduled to testify. She was waiting in the hallway with Amanda before going into the courtroom when he walked up, all smiles, asking how his new boss was doing.

“Pretty good, considering he just got Barba’s cases a couple weeks ago,” replied Amanda, who then turned to her lieutenat. “How’s he been doing since the trial, Liv?”

Olivia bristled at her detective’s inquiry. She couldn’t be bothered to come to Rafael’s trial but now she’s asking about him? Before she could offer a retort it was time to enter the courtroom. After her testimony, Cassidy took his turn. She watched from the gallery as her former coworker and lover lost his cool being questioned by the defense attorney.

“When you went to arrest my client, did he have a swollen face and black eye?”

“He resisted,” replied Cassidy.

“So you smashed his face into a desk and you called him a monkey?” The lawyer pressed on.

“That’s a lie!” cried the DA’s investigator, trying to rein in his temper.

The attorney continued, asking Cassidy if he admitted to violently subduing the accused to which he replied that was because the doctor was trying to get away.

“Because you are a loose cannon that cannot control his animal instincts,” the other man stated.

From where she sat, Olivia’s mind was screaming “ _Object, Stone! Why aren’t you objecting to this? Rafael would have objected to this by now.”_

She watched as Cassidy began to unravel while the new ADA did nothing to stop it.

“Actually, the only animal in this courtroom, Counselor, is your client; Dr. West,” said Cassidy.

“So all black men are animals to you?”

Cassidy said that statement was garbage but the lawyer continued, accusing the former detective of feeling justified in taking his rage out on the pediatrician.

“So what if I did, huh?” Cassidy shouted. “After what he did to those three boys and all the other ones? He’s lucky I didn’t put him in a goddamn body bag!”

Olivia covered her face with her hands as the judge declared a mistrial and reduced Dr. West’s bail. In the hallway she watched as Stone and Cassidy argued about what just happened in the courtroom. Stone told him the defense attorney baited him and he handled it like a rookie.

“You could have objected,” snapped Cassidy.

“To what? Your less than immaculate personnel profile is fair game,” replied the ADA, frustrated at what just happened. “You know what? Consider yourself suspended until further notice.”

Cassidy opened his mouth to argue when Olivia strode up, put a hand on his chest and told him to go outside. Then she told Stone she was surprised at what had happened and that he was usually money on the stand.

“You’ve worked with him before?” the new ADA asked, but before she could reply, added, “I can’t believe I let McCoy talk me into taking this job,” Stone said.

“Why did you?” Olivia asked mildly.

She wanted to ask why he’d let Cassidy wreck the case; why he hadn’t objected to the defense attorney’s line of questioning, but she refrained, not wanting to get off on the wrong foot with him. She needed to work with him, regardless of how she felt about what he’d done to her husband. But she was curious as to why he stuck around after the trial was over. Stone said something came up he hadn’t expected after his father’s death that kept him in New York in a tone that indicated he wasn’t going to expound on what that something was.

Back at the precinct she decided she, Stone, Fin and Amanda would split up and go talk to the families to explain what would happen as a result of the mistrial. Before they left, Olivia excused herself to her office. Closing the door, she called Rafael. Hearing his voice was always a balm to whatever had her feeling prickly.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Unpacking boxes from my place.”

The thought of him moving more of his things into her and Noah’s apartment; making them more officially a family, made her smile.

“How was court?”

Her smile faded and she turned her back to the windows into the bullpen, even though her door was closed.

“Cassidy caused a mistrial when he was on the stand,” she said quietly.

“What the hell, Liv? We spent two years working with those kids to get West behind bars.”

Her own anger and frustration was reflected in her husband’s voice.

“I know, I know,” she said. “I don’t know what happened. I told Stone that Cassidy is usually money on the stand.”

Rafael’s laughter surprised her.

“Money? How young is Stone exactly that you have to use teenage speak with him?”

Before she could reply, the object of his question knocked once on her door and opened it.

“Ready, Liv?” he said.

“Liv?” Rafael said in her ear, all humor gone from his voice. “He calls you Liv?”

She held up a finger to Stone. “Be right there.” To her husband she said, “We can talk about that later. We’re going to go see the families now. I don’t know how long it’s going to take.”

“I’ll be here. I don’t have anywhere else to be,” he replied and ended the call before she could say goodbye, leaving her with her mouth open.

Olivia closed it with a snap and exhaled through her nose. There wasn’t time to dwell on Rafael’s irritation at how Stone addressed her. She had victims and their families to talk to.

She and Stone were about to meet with the last family when her phone rang. It was a vaguely familiar local number so she accepted the call rather than let it go to voicemail. As soon as she heard the background noise, she realized why the number was familiar. It was a sports bar she and Cassidy used to frequent when they dated. In fact, it was the one she left him at to go to the precinct the day they first arrested William Lewis.

“Hey, this is Frankie. We got a problem here,” said the man at the other end and she immediately heard Cassidy’s voice.

“Who the fuck are you talking to? There’s no goddamn problem.”

“I’ll be right there,” Olivia said and turned to Stone. “Um, look, can you... can you take it from here? There's there's something I gotta deal with.”

She walked away without waiting for his reply, wondering how she had suddenly become responsible for Brian Cassidy again.

Even if she hadn’t heard his voice over her phone, Olivia could tell as soon as she stepped inside the bar Cassidy was over his limit. She thanked Frankie for calling her and asked Joe the bartender to call him an Uber.

“He’s done,” she said. Then addressed the intoxicated man, “Brian, go home.”

He told her he _was_ home and he’d leave when he was ready. Another of the patrons, nearly as deep in his cups as he, jeered that his girlfriend came to fight his battles for him.

“Not my girlfrien’ anymore,” Cassidy slurred, grabbing her left hand and holding it aloft, even though her engagement ring was safely on its chain under her blouse. “She’s engaged. To the ADA who pulled the plug on that baby.”

Olivia yanked her hand from his grasp and repeated her earlier words.

“Go home, Brian.”

Then she turned and left.

She fumed the whole way home. First Cassidy screwed up a case her squad and Rafael had worked on for two years -- although she thought it might have been prevented if Stone had objected to the defense attorney’s attack -- then she got called to drag his drunken ass from a bar where he clearly had gone to drown his sorrows over being suspended by Stone. Her mood wasn’t improved by messages from Fin, Amanda and Stone that none of the families wanted to testify if charges were re-filed against Dr. West.

As she exited the elevator on their floor, Olivia tried to relax and leave the day’s problems behind her. She wasn’t on call that evening and looking forward to a good night’s sleep without wondering if her phone was going to ring. A hug from Noah as soon as she was three steps inside the apartment brightened her mood until he wrinkled his nose and said,

“Momma, your coat smells bad.”

She shrugged it off and lifted to her nose. Sure enough it smelled like stale beer. Someone must have spilled on her at the bar when she was contending with Cassidy.

“Great,” she muttered, trailing after him into the living area where there were now boxes of what she assumed were Rafael’s books stacked under the windows.

“Honey, I’m home,” she said with a smile. He was in the kitchen, looking very domestic with a towel tucked into the front of his jeans. “Do we have a bag for the dry cleaners? This coat needs to go.”

He met her at the entrance to the kitchen and stole a kiss, taking the coat from her.

“Hi. Glad you didn’t miss dinner. And yes, I have a couple suits that are going tomorrow. I’ll add this to them.”

As he got a whiff of the coat, his face mimicked Noah’s. “What happened?”

She tilted her head toward the boy, who had returned to whatever he was constructing on the coffee table. Rafael nodded, understanding it was work-related and she would tell him later.

Later, however, she wished she’d said nothing at all.

The conversation started out fine. She gave him more details about what happened in the courtroom.

“I’d have objected,” he said, frowning. “It may not have helped, but I’d have tried to stop Cassidy from turning it into trainwreck.”

“I know you would have.”

They were sitting on the couch with the television playing softly and she was curled up next to him with his arm around her. She tilted her head to kiss his cheek.

“Peter is no you, honey. He’s still learning his way around SVU.” She felt him stiffen. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“When someone says nothing, it’s usually not nothing. We’ve always been open with each other.” She put her left hand on his chest, the diamond in her engagement ring that she’d returned to her finger once home, sparkling.

“Not always, but okay, you want to know I’ll tell you.”

Rafael shifted away and turned to face her.

“Today when we were on the phone he called you Liv. And just now was at least the second time recently you’ve referred to him as Peter. We worked together for three years before you called me by my first name.”

Later she didn’t know if it had been the whole day’s events, but his comment struck a nerve and she spoke without putting better thought behind her words.

“Oh my gosh, Rafael, you sound as childish as Brian did today. But he had the excuse of being drunk off his ass.”

Olivia stood.

“I’m going to get a shower.”

He stood as well so they were eye to eye.

“What did you say? Is that why your coat smells like beer? Were you drinking with Cassidy?”

“Of course not. No, Pe -- Stone suspended him and he went to drown his sorrows and a mutual friend called me because he took it a bit too far.”

“So you went to your former lover’s rescue. Olivia, you’re married now. Or have you forgotten so quickly when it’s not something to announce on the witness stand to try and keep me from going to jail?”

His voice was sarcastic but she could hear the underlying hurt so she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“No, of course not.” She laid a hand on his arm, but his body was rigid. “Rafa, you were the one who said we should wait to tell everyone else we’re married. And in hindsight, I shouldn’t have gone. He was rude and belligerent when I tried to talk to him. So I told the bartender to get him a ride and left.”

“But you still went.”

“Yes, I did,” she admitted softly.

Rafael took a step backward and she let her hand fall away.

“I think I -- I’m going to sleep at my place tonight,” he said.

Olivia looked into his green eyes and saw confusion and hurt. Not to the degree she did the day he figured out she and Tucker were together, but enough that it hurt her heart to see him like that.

“Rafa, you can’t just leave. We need to talk.”

“That could be,” he bit his lip, “ but I don’t want to talk right now. Maybe tomorrow.”

He moved past her and went down the hall to the bedroom they’d been sharing for months. Olivia watched and swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat at his words. Then she followed him, keeping her voice quiet, mindful of the child sleeping in the next room.

“Please don’t leave. We don’t have to talk tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow. Just don’t leave.”

She knew she was pleading, and part of her was ashamed for doing it, but another part of her didn’t want the man she loved to walk out of the apartment. He didn’t answer, but moved around the room, randomly throwing clothes in a small bag. Zipping it, he shoved his feet into the first pair of shoes he saw in the closet and turned to look at her. When he saw tears glistening in her brown eyes, he nearly changed his mind. Rationally, he knew they needed to talk, but right now he felt like he would say words she didn’t want to hear and he might regret later. Rafael put the bag on the bed and turned to face her.

“I love you, Olivia.” He cupped her face in his hands and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her on the forehead. But he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her mouth lingeringly. “Right now I just need some time to myself.”

She reached up and grasped his wrists, hating herself for clinging to him.

“What do I tell Noah?”

“Tell him --” Rafael’s mind raced for something to tell the child that wasn’t a lie but didn’t burden him with adult problems. “Tell him I just needed to do some things at my apartment so I can sell it.”

“So you’ll be back tomorrow?” Olivia heard the plaintive way it sounded but she couldn’t stop it.

A small voice in the back of her mind was whispering he was running away from them.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, _mi amor_.”

Hearing the term of endearment that he’d used the first night they kissed, filled her with hope that this was really just him needing some time to himself after everything that had happened in their lives: the Householder case, the trial, getting married, being found not guilty and quitting a job he’d had for more than 20 years. Olivia exhaled shakily and blinked back the tears that still threatened.

“I love you too, Rafael.”

*** * * * * * ***

After he left, she went through the motions of preparing for bed and climbed beneath the covers after checking on Noah, who was sound asleep clutching both Eddie and Morty. Olivia drew her husband’s pillow to her chest, and inhaled his scent. But sleep evaded her, knowing he was across town in a half empty apartment instead of beside her in the bed. She dropped off into a light sleep eventually, but then suddenly was jolted awake by violent pounding on the apartment door and shot to sitting position. At first she reached beside her to wake Rafael, then remembered he wasn’t there. It couldn’t be him at the door, because she saw him take his keys. The pounding continued, getting louder and she got out of bed and hurried to the door, lest it wake Noah or her neighbors. A look through the peephole had her stepping back in surprise, before flipping the locks and pulling the door open to see Cassidy leaning against the frame, his face and clothes covered in blood.

“What the hell, Brian!” she hissed.

“I need your help, Liv.”

Before either of them could say more, she heard Noah’s voice.

“Momma? Dad? Did you hear that?”

Olivia grabbed his jacket and yanked him inside, closing and locking the door behind him. Then she pushed him down the hall and into her room.

“Bathroom,” she whispered sharply. “Now.”

Then she closed her bedroom door and raised her voice so Noah would hear her.

“I’m coming, Noah.”

In her son’s room, she found him sitting up, clutching Eddie and Morty, eyes wide. Clearly Cassidy’s pounding had woke him.

“What was that noise, Momma? It sounded like someone was trying to get in.”

“It did, didn’t it? It was just someone messing around in the hallway, pounding on people’s doors,” she lied. “They’re gone now. Do you think you can go back to sleep?”

By the glow of the light in the fishtank she could see his clock. It told her it was nearly 4 a.m. She’d slept longer than she realized.

“I think so.” Noah was already sliding back down under the covers. She gave him a kiss and sat beside him, rubbing his back and humming absently until his even breathing assured her he was asleep once more.

Returning to her room, prepared to give Cassidy an ass chewing for showing up at her door in the middle of the night, Olivia found him stripped to his boxers and passed out diagonally across the bed they once shared. Too annoyed to even cover him, she snatched up Rafael’s pillow and went to the living room where she curled up on the couch with the throw blanket that lived there around her shoulders and the pillow once again clutched to her chest as she wondered why Cassidy was there, why he was covered in blood and what she was going to do with him come morning. As the sky outside lightened to gray, she came up with a plan.

As soon as Olivia thought she would be awake, she called Amanda. The call connected and she heard some rustling before the woman’s sleepy voice came over the line. The lieutenant smiled despite herself, knowing it was probably Carisi who picked and and answered the phone before handing it to his girlfriend.

“Amanda, I need a favor.”

After she had seen Noah off to breakfast with his Auntie Amanda, telling him Lucy would pick up him after school, she went to shower, having previously woken a hungover Cassidy and sent him to wash away blood and stink of booze. Her son hadn’t been happy with her lie that her bathroom sink was broken and he had to brush his teeth in his own, with his own toothpaste. He preferred the brand Rafael used, but not only had her husband taken it with him, Cassidy was holed up in the bathroom. Noah also had wanted to know why Rafael wasn’t there and she fibbed again, using the excuse he’d given her the night before, that he was at his apartment, preparing it for sale. As she stood under the hot water, she tried to figure out how, in the span of less than twenty four hours, her life felt like it had been turned upside down. Again.

Dressed in the clean clothes Olivia gave him, a pair of his old sweatpants and a t-shirt of Rafael’s, Cassidy ran fingers through his damp hair then wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee and some pain reliever. He couldn’t believe she still had his sweats.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Brian. I wear them to scrub the toilets,” she’d snapped when he said as much, and stalked off to her room, childishly slamming the door behind her, but enjoying the satisfying sound.

He had just raised a cup of coffee to his mouth when he heard a key in the lock of the apartment door. He glanced down the hall but Olivia’s bedroom door remained closed and he was sure getting caught by whomever was coming in was better than him barging in on her in a state of undress.

“Olivia, my love, I was stupid,” Cassidy heard a male voice say and realized Barba hadn’t been here when he arrived the night before.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. But there was nowhere to hide at this point.

Rafael closed the door behind him and breezed into the living area, a spring in his step, holding a large bouquet of flowers. He continued speaking.

“I realized when I woke up this morning -- well, I didn’t really sleep, I’m sure you didn’t either -- that today is Valentine’s D ----”

He broke off when he saw his wife’s former coworker (and lover the devil on his shoulder reminded him) standing in her -- their kitchen, wearing sweatpants and one of his tshirts and holding his favorite mug. The two men eyed each other; both surprised to see the other. Cassidy spoke first.

“Listen, Barba, this isn’t what you think.”

“You don’t know what the fuck I think,”  Rafael spat, throwing the flowers on the floor, turning on his heel and exiting the apartment, slamming it behind him with enough force to rattle the frames on the wall nearby.

Olivia came flying from the bedroom, dressed but barefoot, with damp hair, service pistol in her hand down at her side.

“What the hell was that?”

“I’m guessing you didn’t tell your fiancé I was here,” Cassidy said, exiting the kitchen and sinking down on the couch, gently fingering the bump on his head he’d gotten the night before.

“What? Rafael was here?”

Cassidy nodded. “He didn’t take seeing me too well.”

The splash of color on the floor caught her eye and she looked down at the bouquet of different color roses, now with broken stems and bruised petals. Bending to pick them up, she lifted them to her nose and inhaled the delicate scent. Fighting panic at what her husband must have thought seeing Cassidy in the apartment at this hour of the morning, dressed as he was, she rushed to the door and pulled it open, half hoping to see Rafael in the hallway, that half smile on his face. It was empty. Letting it close behind her, she turned to face Cassidy.

“What did you say, Brian?”

“All I said was it wasn’t what he thought.”

“Oh my God. That’s the most cliche thing to say. It just makes people think you’re trying not to lie to them.”

She lay the damaged flowers on the counter and picked up her phone, calling Rafael’s number. It went straight to voicemail.

“Dammit,” Olivia said, then left a message. “Rafael, Cassidy was right. Whatever you thought about why he’s here, you have it wrong. Please call me. Please. I love you.”

Then she turned to the man on her couch.

“Now, tell me why the hell you turned up at my door battered and bloody. But I need coffee first.”

Cassidy told Olivia that after she left him at the bar, he didn’t take the car Joe called for him, but just went to another bar and kept drinking. When he finally left that one, he went to Dr. West’s house to confront him and tell him he was watching him. But when he got there the front door was open. He went inside and called West’s name but then was hit over the head from behind. When he came to, he was on the floor next to the dead body.

“But I didn’t kill him, Liv,” he said. “Look, you know if I had anywhere else to go --”

“I have a kid, Brian,” she interrupted. “And a --”

She stopped. She’d almost called Rafael her husband.

“Yeah, I know.”

“What?”

“I know about you and Barba. Stone told me. When he asked me about you and me. Our history.”

“No one who wasn’t in the courtroom that day knows we’re married, Brian. We’re waiting to make that news public. Please don’t say anything. You owe me that. I almost lost my son because of you.”

“I won’t say a word,” Cassidy assured her. “Look, you have every right to be pissed off, all right? I understand that. But hey, there was a time when you actually cared about me, Liv.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t.”

“All right, you know what? Screw that. But if anyone can prove that I didn’t kill West, it’s you.”

He stood from the couch and retrieved the bag he’d put his bloody clothes in from her bedroom. Reaching into it, he held his hand out. There was a small washer in his palm.

“What is that?”

“I dunno. But it was in the tread of one my boots when I took them off.”

After she saw Noah off to school, Amanda met Carisi at the West crime scene. As they approached the house together, she gave him a side eye,

“You wearing the same suit as yesterday?”

“My dry cleaners is closed.”

“Here I thought you were getting laid.” She winked at him then lowered her voice. “I told you I’d give you some space to leave a couple suits at my place.”

“If your daughter could keep her sticky fingers to herself I’d be wearing the suit I brought with me last night,” he countered, but his blue eyes were twinkling. She knew he didn’t mind Jesse’s messes.

After they were not so politely kicked out of the West crime scene by the homicide detectives, the pair returned to the precinct, stopping at Carisi’s place on the way so he could quickly swap out suits, knowing sharp-eyed Fin would notice it was the same as the day before. Amanda stood in the doorway of his bedroom, watching him change, wondering if they had time for a quickie. Jesse’s sticky fingers had come from sneaking into the box of chocolates he’d brought Amanda for Valentine’s Day and the sugar kept her up later than usual, leaving them time for little more than sleep when they finally had time to themselves. Sonny looked at her as he tucked his shirt into his trousers.

“Ah, ah, ‘Manda. I know that look. We need to get to the precinct and tell Lieu we were shut out by Homicide.”

Amanda offered a small pouty smile, but knew he was right. Besides, she needed to have a conversation with their commanding officer about something as well.

“Liv,” she said later when there was an opportunity to go into her lieutenant’s office, “are you and Barba okay? I mean, Noah told me he wasn’t there this morning and said there was a pair of black boots in the kitchen. Doesn’t sound like Barba’s style and he doesn’t seem like the type to leave his shoes in the kitchen.”

“What? Yeah, we kind of had a little disagreement last night. He slept at his apartment last night. He hasn’t sold it yet.”

“So the boots?”

“They’re Cassidy’s,” Olivia admitted quietly, not meeting her detective’s gaze.

“Are you kidding me?” Amanda exclaimed, then glanced in the bullpen to see if her voice had carried. Neither Fin nor Carisi seemed to have noticed.

“It’s not what you think,” said Olivia. “You can’t think I would --” and she stopped, realizing Amanda didn’t know they were married because she didn’t attend Rafael’s trial.

“Amanda,” she began again. “Rafael and I are married.”

“What? When?”

“Before his trial. He wanted to make sure Noah and I were taken care of if the worst happened. Stone put me on the stand and it came out there. But you’d have known if you had come to the trial. Fortunately, because of the gag order, the press wasn’t in there, so not very many people know. Rafael’s mother doesn’t know. Noah doesn’t even know. They all think we’re still just engaged. So I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything.”

She leveled a look at the woman who was her closest female friend.

“Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

“Yeah. What was Cassidy doing at your apartment? Is that why you asked me to take Noah this morning?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia deals with Cassidy and Stone while wondering where Rafael has gone. Meanwhile, he ends up getting some maternal advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stole a bit more of Chasing Demons, so thanks to the SVU writers for their words that inspire us all to write (or fix). A few little canon details tucked in here that made me smile. Enjoy!

Olivia told her detective the whole story: about how Cassidy showed up at her door and what he’d told her about going to see West, getting hit over the head and waking up next to the dead doctor and the washer he found in his boot tread. Rollins, never a fan of Cassidy’s to begin with, said little save she really hoped he was telling the truth. She excused herself when Stone arrived .

“Amanda?” Olivia said as she reached her office door. The blonde turned back. “Thank you. For this morning.”

But she also meant thank you for keeping her confidence about Cassidy and the detective understood. She nodded.

“Copy that, Lieutenant. You know I’ve always got your back.”

Olivia watched her walk toward her desk and then turned her attention to the ADA, who expressed his displeasure that her team was still investigating Dr. West’s murder despite being told to back off by homicide. She told him that just because the man was dead doesn’t mean his victims aren’t still suffering. 

“There are still nights I don’t sleep; watching my son and wondering if he will be okay after what Sheila Porter did and that was nothing like what West did to those boys. We still need to handle the case sensitively,” Olivia said.

Stone asked if she had talked to Cassidy. Olivia admitted she had, leaving out the when, how and why and told him Cassidy was very upset about causing the mistrial. She also suggested there might be a possible suspect in his trial prep materials and asked to see them.

When Amanda left Olivia’s office, she glanced back and saw her in conversation with Stone. Grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair, she murmured to Fin and Sonny that she had to run an errand.

“Want me to come with you, ‘Manda?” Carisi asked.

She shook her head, not wanting her partner and boyfriend to know what she was going to do.

“This won’t take long.”

The whole way to Olivia’s building she was half hoping Cassidy wasn’t there, because he wouldn’t like what she was going to say to him. Using the spare key she had -- Olivia had one for her apartment as well -- Amanda let herself in quietly, and found the subject of her thoughts sitting on the couch as if it was his own. He looked at her, clearly not expecting to see her. _In for a penny, in for a pound_ , she thought, taking a breath.

“You know you’re letting Liv destroy her career if she gets caught helping you,” she said.

“She’ll think of something to prevent that,” he offered with a shrug.

“She shouldn’t have to. You really want charges brought against her?” Amanda’s voice started to get louder and she advanced on the man who still sat on the couch.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t know that. Just because she’s covering your cowardly ass, to hell with everyone else?” 

She threw her hands up in the air. 

“God knows why she trusts you.”

“You think I killed him?” Cassidy challenged. “Go on, arrest me.”

Amanda’s hand hovered near her handcuffs for a moment as she pondered the pleasure she’d get fastening them around his wrists then dropped it to her side.

“No, you know I’d never go against Liv. But if you ever gave a damn about her, you’d man up and turn yourself in.”

She spun on her heel and left, slamming the apartment door for the second time that day.

After Rafael had slammed it that morning, he went down the stairs, too angry to wait for the elevator, his feet pounding down each flight until he reached the bottom. Outside, he started walking, not paying attention where he was headed. He couldn’t believe he came home to apologize to Olivia for overreacting to her calling Stone by his first name to find Brian Cassidy there. What he said as he waltzed in the apartment saying had been true: he hadn’t slept much the night before. He’d become too accustomed to her beside him. So he’d lain awake thinking. Thinking he had been childish. Stone was more than ten years Olivia’s junior. Of course she would call him by his first name. And if she was okay with him using her name and not her rank, then what was he to care, really? She was his wife. The person he would still be squabbling with when they were 85. So he’d decided to apologize and when he realized it was February 14th, stopped to buy her flowers on the way home. He paid an outrageous sum for them, but he didn’t care. Of course that was money down the drain now. She probably threw them away and went back to whatever it was she was doing with Cassidy. Bile rose in his throat thinking about why he might be there wearing a pair of his sweatpants Rafael knew she’d kept from years before and one of his own t shirts. Had she called him after he left last night? After she pleaded with him not to leave?

He walked for blocks before he realized his coat wasn’t made for traipsing about Manhattan in February. There was a subway entrance in front of him. It would be warmer on the subway. His feet carried him down the steps and after fishing his wallet from his pocket, scanned his Metrocard and got on the next set of cars that pulled into the station without even looking where they were headed, because he didn’t have very many choices: his nearly empty apartment or Olivia’s apartment where, as far as he knew, Cassidy was still there with her. He didn’t even have an office to go to any more. Slumping into a seat in a corner, shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and closed his eyes. His phone vibrated and he ignored it.

While Rafael was wandering the city, Olivia was realizing Cassidy was in deeper than either of them thought. Stone reappeared in her office with a copy of a video homicide discovered, showing the DA’s investigator near the crime scene throwing something in a sewer. He told her they found a bloody hat in it.

“I’m sure he had a good reason for being there,” Olivia offered Stone as she cringed inwardly, watching the video.  
  
“Besides killing the man he threatened in open court?” Stone countered. “Have you any idea how bad this looks for me? And my office?”

“I understand that the optics are not good. But there is a possibility that --”

“You and Cassidy used to be a couple,” Stone interrupted.

“What does that have to do with anything? That’s old history. I’m married to Rafael, remember?”

“How could I forget? Another courtroom shit show. Holliday went to arrest him. He hasn’t been home in two days? Do you know where he is?” Stone asked, hands on his hips.

Before she could reply, Cassidy walked into her office and dumped the bag with bloody clothes on the floor at Stone’s feet.

“He’s right here.”

“I’ll take him to interrogation,” Olivia said.

“No, you won’t.”

He knocked on her window to the squad room and motioned for Fin to come in.

“Take Mr. Cassidy to interrogation,” he ordered.

The SVU sergeant looked at Olivia and she nodded briefly, her lips set.

She and Stone watched as Cassidy was questioned by Det. Holliday.

“You didn’t have to call Holliday. I could have handled this myself,” she told him.

“If you think for a minute that I was going to let you interrogate your ex-boyfriend,” Stone sneered. “I mean, are all of my SVU cases going to involve one of your romantic relationships?”

“Careful, counselor,” she warned. “Brian came to my apartment last night and I let him stay there. I know how this looks.”

“I looks like you were obstructing justice,” he countered.

“I was trying to _get_ justice.”

“By running a rogue investigation?”

“What are you going to do? Prosecute everyone here?”

“If they keep killing people.” 

Unlike Rafael, Stone was taller than she and Olivia had to look up to make eye contact. Even in boots. She didn’t like that and she didn’t like his insinuations. Drawing herself up as tall as she could, she speared him with a look.

“I know you were just doing what McCoy asked you to do with Rafael’s trial. But you’re part of the SVU team now, of which Cassidy used to be part and is still in a way as your investigator. And around here, we tend to believe in that innocent until proven guilty principle. Especially when it comes to our own.”

Olivia turned to face the window into the interrogation room, where Cassidy was getting pissed at the homicide detective for implying Olivia would cover for him because of their former relationship. Finally he said he was done talking and asked for his union representative and lawyer. But the detective kept pushing, causing the SVU lieutenant to go in and remind the other woman he had asked for a lawyer. The last thing everyone needed was for Cassidy to blow up again like he did on the stand. Stone, on her heels, ordered the homicide detective to arrest his investigator for murder. Olivia shook her head and returned to her office. 

She checked her phone which was sitting on her desk and found Rafael had not returned her call. She called his number and again got voicemail. After leaving another message asking him to please call her, she followed it up with a text:

**_Rafa, please let me explain. Cassidy has been arrested for West’s murder. He came to our apartment to ask me for help._ **

Sighing she sent it and sat at her desk, watching as Fin and Stone had a conversation in the bullpen. Then Cassidy was walked by her door in handcuffs. She sighed again and then smiled when she heard Fin decline to join them on the perp walk. She smiled again when he entered her office. It was nice to know her squad had her back with Stone.

“This doesn’t look good, Liv,” Fin told her. “You knew he was there and you covered up for him?”

She told him she was giving Cassidy the benefit of the doubt, but added at this point she didn’t know what to think anymore. Olivia didn’t add that also included her currently AWOL husband. The husband that had been riding the subway for hours, changing trains randomly; not paying attention to their destinations, when finally hunger drove Rafael to look up at where he was stopping. He chuckled at the irony. He was mere blocks from his mother’s house. Climbing the stairs from the subway, Rafael took a breath and set out in the direction he’d walked thousands of times. As he approached the familiar address, he wished he hadn’t given up smoking; wanting to soothe the nerves he felt at the thought of seeing his mother for the first time since before he was charged in the death of Drew Householder. 

Of course Lucia Barba answered after the first knock, not even giving him time to reflect on how not even the doorstep had changed.

“Rafi!”

“ _Hola, Mami_.”

He shoved his hands into his coat pockets and shuffled his feet.

“Come in, come in. It’s cold out there.”

Lucia stepped back and opened the door wider. Rafael crossed the threshold and immediately the aromas from the kitchen had his mouth watering and stomach rumbling. But also they evoked another reaction. A feeling of being home. The same feeling he had when he was with Olivia. His eyes burned and he blinked rapidly. Of course his mother missed nothing.

“Rafael?” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

“ _Lo siento, Mami_! I’m sorry if I disappointed you. I -- I don’t even know why I came here. I was riding the subway all day after I went home -- to Olivia’s, to apologize for last night and found Cassidy there and I couldn’t stay and -- “

He broke off, knowing he was rambling.

As if he was eight years old, not forty-eight, Lucia gathered her son into her arms and made a soft shushing sound.

“It’s all right, _mijo_. It’s all right. You didn’t disappoint me. I disappointed you. I should have come to your trial. I should have been there to support you and Olivia.”

He clung to her for a moment, taking comfort in his mother’s embrace. Then he let go and shrugged out of his coat, clearing his throat.

“Yes, well, I need to tell you something about Liv and I,” Rafael said.

“Don’t tell me the wedding is off!” Lucia clasped her hands together in distress.

“No, no. Actually we’re already married.”

From the kitchen, a timer went off and Lucia turned to rescue whatever the sound was reminding her. She motioned over her shoulder for him to follow. Soon, he was seated at the familiar table with a plate of comfort food in front of him. Then Lucia settled herself into the chair beside him and said,

“Now tell me about this. You and Olivia are already married? When? She isn’t --”

“No, she’s not pregnant,” Rafael laughed, thinking it felt good to laugh and he hadn’t done nearly enough of it recently. Not since they’d been in the mountains. “Liv’s a little old for that, I think. We got married before my trial because I wanted to make sure she and Noah would be taken care of if I went to prison.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t. But I did resign from the DA’s office.”

“You love that job!”

“Loved. Past tense. Not so much as of late.”

Over cups of his favorite Cuban coffee, Rafael gave his mother an abridged version of recent months and how disenchanted he’d become with his work.

“What does Olivia think?”

“She wants me to be happy,” he said. “And being with her and Noah makes me happy. I don’t need to be a DA to do that.”

Then he added, “Although she’s probably not real happy with me right now.”

“Rafi, what did you do?”

His mother gave him the look that only mothers can. He grimaced and told her about their argument the night before and his behavior that morning. She shook her head.

“You need to go apologize.”

“I know.”

He glanced across the kitchen to the clock on the stove. It was almost Noah’s bedtime. He’d been gone all day. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he saw the battery had died and wondered how many messages and calls he’d missed from his wife; whom he owed a big apology.

“Mom, I need to get going,” Rafael said, standing up. “But can I use your phone first?”

As Lucia was reaching for the cordless phone in its cradle -- because although she had a cell phone, preferred the landline -- it rang. She looked at the caller ID. It said **BENSON, O.M**.

“I think that’s for you.”

 

Less than an hour later, Rafael walked through their apartment door for the second time that day holding a large bouquet of roses. This one cost him considerably less than the first since the florists were just trying to get rid of their Valentine’s Day stock by this point in the day. Olivia was picking up a few toys that Noah had left out on the table, including a remote control spider that Fin bought him. It was bigger than his hand and gave him the willies.

“I thought we’d moved beyond toy boxes being simply decorative?” he said.

She turned and dropped the spider into a bin.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He smiled that little half smile reserved only for her.

“I’m an idiot.”

Olivia folded her arms across her chest.

“Yes.”

Before he could speak again, Noah came running into the room and flung himself at the man.

“I thought I heard your voice! Are you done at your apartment? Aunt Amanda took me for pancakes this morning. Are those flowers for Momma for Valentine’s Day? Then who gave her those ones?”

Rafael returned Noah’s hug with one arm as he was still holding the second bouquet and looked to the side table where the roses he’d brought that morning -- and thrown on the floor like a petulant child, he thought -- stood in a vase. The bunch appeared to be a few blooms short but not much worse for wear. Olivia arched a brow at him in challenge to provide a child-appropriate explanation. After a moment he grinned and said, 

“Those are from me too, _mijo_. I love your momma so much I wanted to bring her some more.”

His wife met his gaze and rolled her eyes, but they were twinkling with amusement. She held out her hand.

“I’ll put these in another vase. It’s your turn to read the bedtime story.”

“Is Momma mad at you?” Noah asked as he and Rafael settled in for the next chapter of Charlotte’s Web. Now that was the right size for a spider, the man thought.

“Why do you say that, Noh?”

“Because she didn’t kiss you when you came home. She always kisses you when you come home.”

“Does she now?”

  
Rafael was amused at the boy’s attention to that detail. But his next words had his amusement fading.

“She does. Is she mad? You’re still getting married and going to be my dad, aren’t you?”

The man put the book down and pulled Noah into his arms. 

“Yes, of course. Don’t worry about that, okay? Remember when we went on our ski trip and you acted out in the store?”

The boy nodded.

“And I told you we weren’t mad at you but we didn’t like the way you acted? Well, your momma isn’t happy with the way I acted. So that’s why I didn’t get a kiss. But I’m going to apologize to her like you did.”

“Is that why you brought more flowers?”

Rafael burst out laughing and tickled the boy’s sides, making him giggle and squirm.

“You’re just too smart, _mijo_. Now let’s see what word Charlotte spells in the web next.”

After the chapter was finished and Olivia called in to give good night kisses, the adults returned to the living room. Rafael noticed the second bouquet was on the breakfast bar and two glasses, one wine and one scotch, sat on the coffee table. Olivia folded a leg beneath her and sat down on the couch with her glass while he sat down at his end. She took a sip and looked at him over the rim.

“So the second bouquet is an apology?”

“Were you eavesdropping, Lieutenant?”

“You answered a question with a question, counselor.”

“And if it was an apology?”

“That would be a start.”

Rafael looked into his own drink and jiggled the glass, watching the ice move around. Then he raised his eyes to meet her gaze.

“I’m sorry, Liv. I acted like an ass. A jealous, immature ass.” He paused and when she didn’t speak he continued. “I overreacted about Stone, and I should have known there had to be a good reason -- a perfectly innocent reason -- why Cassidy would be here at that hour. And if I hadn’t run away last night I’d have been here to know why.”

This time she nodded and scooted closer, reaching out to put her hand over his where it lay on the back of the couch.

“Rafa, I know the last few weeks have been hard and I’m sure you feel like you’re lost at sea after some hard cases, and the trial and leaving a job you had for twenty years. But you have to talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking. What you’re feeling.”

She leaned closer and put her hand on his cheek. He hadn’t shaved that morning, not having a razor at his old apartment, and it was scruffy.

“We’re in this together. We had each other’s backs at work for six years. Now we have each other’s backs til death do us part.”

Rafael nodded and turned his head to kiss her palm. Then he reached over and put his glass down and took hers from her grasp and did the same.

“Olivia. _Mi amor,_ ” he said softly and put a hand behind her neck, keeping her gaze, and leaned in to kiss her lips. “ _Te amo._ Forever _._ ”

“Always,” she whispered. “I will love you always and in all ways.”

Their lips met again and the taste of the wine on her tongue reminded Rafael of their first kiss, in that very apartment. It seemed so long ago when it had actually been less than a year. But he had loved her for so long before he ever acknowledged the feeling that it felt like she’d been in his heart for years. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I’m enjoying keeping this story going and showing you my head canon of what happened after Barba left the DA’s office. Please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> So? What do you think?


End file.
